Sunday, 26 July 2015
Tuesday, 16 June 2015
Don't get it twisted. While everyone including me, at the end of the day, just wants someone to love and share their lives with that doesn't mean I'm going to loose my self respect in the process.
I don't consider myself much of a fighter or a very persistent person, due to the fact that I give up pretty easily on things if it doesn't have some immediate benefit. I'm impatient. On the flipside, I like to see the good in people giving them the benefit of the doubt in hopes of getting mutual returns. But, if in the process I observe that my kindness is not being appreciated or reciprocated, then that's where I usually throw in the towel.
It sucks, because I really wanted to have a relationship with this guy, but my attempts of getting mutual respect and benefit was overshadowed by his selfishness. He wanted me to give up so much without a promise in return; almost as if I was desparate or that i had a tree growing in my face. Excuse me? No bitch!
I was/am in love with him yes, but I will also not belittle myself and settle for the half assed percentage I was being offered, just for the sake of having someone in my life. No, I won't put myself at risks for diseases and more heartache just because I wanted to be with him.
Instead, I will take my pride and self respect, walk away and wait for the one whom I deserve and who deserves me.
No doubt, i know that if you want a relationship to work you have to be selfless, compromise and not expect the same from what you put in. I know, I'm all teary eyed now and caught up with possibly loosing a guy who I know I could make a great life with, but being a concubine for a selfish man is not in my resume for love. I'll wait. Im not in any competition with anyone and whats meant for me, will be for me. I do though, that my decisions now will be beneficial for my future.
So it turns out that I am a fighter afterall and I am persistent in what I want; but my fight has to match the benefit of what im actually fighting for and it has to be worth my time.
Monday, 25 May 2015
- For one, I had never heard of or seen this girlfriend until I got news that my cousin will be getting married. My family is close knit or so I thought and we know of everyone's significant other so it felt like he was hiding her from all of us. But, I guess sometimes its best to keep extended family out your business and just do your thing.
- Secondly, I was annoyed that they are so young and had been together for just under four years; how could my cousin know that he was ready to take the big leap just yet? I'm 33 and I'm still not sure if I'm cut out for this living together in holy matrimony thing. I just don't ever want to feel tied down or like I'm trapped. Do I really have commitment issues?
- And then thirdly, What the hell was so wrong with me why I'm 33 and still without a child and unmarried. Am I picking the wrong type of men? Am I doing something wrong? Am I not submissive and masochistic enough? What is it?