I say this without apology, that some men wont ever know what they have until they loose it.
It's April 13, 2015 and today I gave up on someone I had been fighting for, for 16 months. I tried to give him me but I guess I wasn't good enough. I know my worth and what I'm capable of and thought we could make a good team, seeing as though our lives happen simultaneously. But he doesn't want to be tied down right now and worst not by a has been like me.
He thinks I'm trouble, a pain in the ass because I argue with him and tell him when he's being unreasonable but he just doesn't have the patience and know how to deal with someone like me. Yet, I waited for him and I pushed my feelings aside to accommodate his wishes but he's selfish and only thinks about himself and the image he wants to create for others to see.
There is a constant battle between what his head tells him and what he knows he feels, but he fights it everyday and this time I guess his head won. Stellar performance D.
I'll love him always though and I don't regret ever having him apart of my life even for such a short time. But I still wished he would've given the chance to get to know me more, the real Tami, the Tami only a handful of people really know. Yet, his eyes are shadowed by the insecurities I emitted when my back was against the wall. I was fragile and afraid and I put up resistance to anything that would seemingly hurt me.
But now, my heart is tired and I'm tired. Tired of trying to show him how awesome I can be, tired of the miscommunication and the misunderstandings, tired of giving myself and only end up getting hurt. Tired of trying to make him love me. Just plain and simple, tired.
There are different levels to a person and you will only see what they want you to see.
But one day soon, I hope he realizes what a diamond he had in his midst while he was out digging through the dirt for simple stones.