I'm the type of person that will get toothpaste stains if I brush after putting on my clothes. I'm also the type that gets annoyed if anyone else makes a mess except me. I'm a weirdo, I have quirks about me I wish I didn't have but that's just how and who I am.
I spent 33 years getting to this point and I'm not sorry for how I turned out. I'm also the girl who is way too loyal to people who take loyalty like a grain of salt and as such always end up getting hurt because I'm not selfish enough to others. I put myself last; I'm selfless. A flaw in a wicked world like ours.
I motivate people but I'm cynical about anything when it comes to me. I don't ever think things will work in my favour and sometimes I end up sabotaging my own life and happiness at times. My greatest fear is to fail, so I built up my glass half empty with delusions to help me cope. Pessimism.
Why did I think it wouldn't work? Yeah yeah I know, what you're going to say 'if you think negativly, then the outcome will be just that'. Cut my losses and go. I wish it were that simple but it's not. I been trying to hate this source of my pain and its just not working, so how then do I move on? What do I do with the love if I can't give it to the one its for? Do I love from a distance or do give it to someone who is more deserving?
I'm the type of person that will be arguing with you for two months but still think we can work it out. Is there a word for people like me?
Its all about timing. To be honest, I think we were meant for each other, just that the timing is bad. I don't know and understand what it is that you are looking for and for some strange reason I dont think you do either. Then again, maybe it was meant to be that way, maybe I needed to have someone like you happen to me to prepare me for what's to come. I can only appreciate anything after this. I honestly hope that what's to come will make me smile even more than you do.